im so sick of...

telling people off, and then feeling guilty about it.
whining, and then feeling guitly about it.
not going to the gym one day, and then feeling guitly about it.
saying something emberassing, then feeling emberassed about it.
acting really awkward around dream boy, and then being REALLY emberassed about it.
thinking about how emberassing i am.
thinking about how much i supposedly dont care about things and then being emberassed about the fact that lately ive cared more.
not being able to let myslelf grow up,
not being able to sleep [tonight because if spiders]
and being negative.
im so sick of being negative.

and im sorry ive been a real jerk to everyone lately.

and what do you think of that.

yes, i saw the movie 17 Again, and i liked it.
and.
i went to a jewelry party on thursday.
where i met a kid who looked like james franco when he was on freaks and geeks. and he said his last name was ring. and he sold rings.
and.
i like beyonce.

living at home makes me a different person.
and now im moving out.
[pppprrrrooovvvooooooooooo, i need an apt still....]

so. we'll see.

TODAY WAS THE LONGEST DAY EVAAA.
MY FINGERS HURT BECAUSE I DONT PLAY MY GUIIITARR ENUF.
IMSOGLADITSALMOSTSUMMERR
I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS CRAZY 90s HAIR ACCESSORY I FOUND!!!
I WANT TO WATCH UNICORN MOVIE
im making a funny face at you
WHY DIDNT I GET TO GO TO THE BABY ANIMAL FAIR!!!!?!?!?
new secret crush.... how could you
I ATE A PEANUT BUTTER AND MARSHMELLOW CREME SANDWICHHHHH FOR THE FIRST TIMEEEEEE
LOLZZZZ
TOMORROW IS EASTER!!!!!
and you are not my secret crush.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

what do you hate?

i dont eat pork or beef or green beans. i dont drink milk.
i dont like spinach or mountain dew or garlic or onions.
i dont like ranch dressing, mayonaise or gravy.
im so picky. my favorite food is sandwiches, but not ham or roast beef [gag]
ok, so just like i am food picky, i also hate snow activities, most sports, hilly hikes, action movies, brian regan and jackie chan, and most smells. and i get car sick reallllly easily.
and i hate rude people and insensitive people.
i probably hate you and everything you do.


this is just for all those who say i hate everything.

[its written jokingly. in case you dont understand well]




ilove dream phone and fridays and bathing suits and sweaters and naps and water and dancing and clean clothes and more water and my room and my car and toothpaste and my family and my house and my computer and utah and the park and the library and the dollar store and institute iff id ever go, and museums, and making craftshahahah and my sewing machine and paint and pictures and kitttttiess and the music and books and more music on the radio and staying up all night and ice cream and ipod and rec center and running and trees and sandwiches and hugs and adventures and moooovies and nicklecade and the beach and disneyland and pizza and watching tv on my computer and making crazy lists and blogs and talking on and on and being cool and friendzzzzz

im so happy

with not having to make big decesions.

preface: not my best writing.

people never take things the way you want them to.

1. people think if you are nice you are flirting
2. people cant take obvious hints.
3. im bad at being mean, and i mean that in 2 ways.

ok back to number one. ok, i dont understand anyone anymore.
if im trying to flirt they cant take a hint, and if im just being friendly, they think im in love, and dont want to hurt my feelings.

notice how general im being.

and obviously, people. i dont know how to be more obvious than not. ill leave that there.

but leading into number three, im sick of having to give subtle hints to not hurt peoples feelings.

i think im just too nice or too mean. someone help me. it may be guilt. i feel so guilty about hurting someones feelings-- about anything -- that i dont say anything, unless i feel like its necessary. then im really mean, but i feel really bad and take it back. i just dont know how to break news to people.

newsflash, this is towards you.
if its not towards you, you might know.

ugh.