sometimes i confuse even myself

hey! what is better than blogs on a sunday night.
since i usually blog on mondays. but tomorrow will be so busy,
and im feeling full of words right now.
so today is an evaluation of, things. ok me putting things into words so they possibly make more sense to me.... however the fact that my blog is somewhat public now im more cautious with my words, or maybe just emberassed to say the things i truely desire to express. [then i express this look on my face that i have no way to express in words.]
right now im having family guy be my background noise.
it is horrible and is giving me a headache, but i cant stand to be alone in complete quiet.
i can have quiet when i am not alone, however.
i normally hate adult cartoons, but recently ive gained a.... ok, not appreciation,
but, understanding, a sense of their humor? lol, i laugh now.
maybe cuz im more of an adult.
today josh, one of my pseudo-roommates, told me he thought i was older than i was.
it made me happy, probably because im always wishing my life away.
all i wanted was to be 20 years old, and now i want to be 21. and 22. maybe then i will be content. i am so sick of people judging me for my age.
im way too self conscious about that.
i really enjoy intelligent conversation.
i wish i had more of it in my life, its so... refreshing, for lack of a better word.
you know there are those words you love to avoid using, and that is one of them.
but back to thoughts, i really have this overwhelming desire to have more regular meaningful conversations. and so it goes.
[did you notice the end where i was having fun with colors and such? ya, it was fun. lol]

p.s. if i call you at midnight and tell you i cant sleep and am really creeped out because i heard weird noises or something, it's probably nice to not be rude, and tell me i am acting like i am a child because thats what you were like when you were 6. :]