synonym for witty

Synonyms: amusing, bright, brilliant, campy, crazy, diverting, droll, entertaining, epigrammatic, facetious, fanciful, gay, humorous, ingenious, intelligent, jocose, jocular, joshing, keen, lively, original, penetrating, piercing, piquant, quick-witted, ridiculous, scintillating, screaming, slapstick, sparkling, waggish, whimsical

... campy?

hahahaha!

sometimes, i internet fall in love with people.

on that note, im really ready for 2011, and in that year maybe i will blog more. because its not that i dont have the time...
i just fail to write down my ideas. and i would not be doing myself a favor if i did not type out my ideas. for myself. [mostly because my handwriting is terrible the older i get and i dont know if i will even be able to read it in a year. but i should work on that for my school notes.....]

and yes, im going back to school in the winter. heyyyyyaaa

Indoor Camping

The other day I turned on 2 fans and opened my window. It was pretty chilly outside, but I just love the feeling of being cold. I bundled up in 4 comforters and was surrounded by pillow. oh dear. I love pillows. Outside it smelled smokey. As I was laying there, trying to sleep, I could only think of one thing.

This is like... Indoor Camping!

There are very few things I enjoy about camping. Mostly I wish I could incorperate everything I want into a perfect camping experience. I love the feeling of my face being cold and the fresh air outside. I like the smell of outside. Basically, the only thing I really like about camping is that it is outside. I always wish I had at least 5 blankets and a nice mattress under me. I wish I could be somewhere free of ticks. Other than that- I would just love camping.

And I basically slept as good as I would have if I was camping- meaning I woke up probably at 4:30 am. And that, to me, is camping.

Ok. It may not sound even close to camping. But at 2 am, it felt like it.

Y

and now on to something more serious.

I would like everyone right now to stand and give me a round of applause. Because I got 100% on my phlebotomy final test this week. And I am very proud of myself. So... I will give you a minute to do that.

Kthxbyeeeeeeeeeeeee

I hope my children are like me.

Recently, my mom made me go through a box of things from my childhood and throw away /reorganize everything [completely trashing my living space and creating many distractions.]

If there is one thing i learned about my childhood, its that i wanted to be a writer. And i wrote a lot of ridiculous stories. If i think about it really, i remember writing stories as far back as i think i could write. before i could write. i was a dramatic child. and now im embarrassed because i did not fulfill my childhood dream of being a famous writer. i guess im only 22 and i still have a bright future.... hahhaaaaaaa. anyway, for your entertainment, i am including one of my many odd stories i wrote as a weird little girl, im guessing i was somewhere between 4th and 6th grade. i stayed naive for a long time.

heyyaaaaa:

In medford, colorado, lives a group of five kids. their names are Blossom, Nate, Madalyn, Olive, and Garnet [wtf? ha] Nate, the only boy of the group, always felt extra special. Blossom was so beautiful! Her long silvery-red hair just dangled past her shoulders. Garnet was the dreamer. She would dream and dream and dream. She had many fantasies. Most very unrealistic. [ i promise nothing sexy here] She always wrote with hearts on her I's and squiggly letters. She was such a dreamer that even when she was madly in love you could not tell- like the time she was in love with Morgan and thought it was very romantic that they had the same name. Olive, on the other hand, was a total TOMBOY. she wrote in big block letters that were real sloppy [at this time i changed my handwriting to be like hers] and she was a terrible speller. Madalyn was a girly girl. [from here on out i can not read my handwriting. then it becomes legible again.]

and there is no plot line, just me explaining characters of different stories, but never finishing them. i had a thing for names as a kid. i had a book of baby names that i found on a book shelf in my house and i hid it in my room and looked through it all the time. I was way embarrassed my mom would find out that i was looking up different names. probably i would make fun of my daughter for what i did too.

i was hiding a book of baby names while boys were hiding porn.

thats all.

A really long blog about serious things.

The thing about anxiety and depression is- you don’t realize what it really is until you have experienced it.

There have been days in my life where I felt like my soul literally ached. I felt so sad inside I didn’t know what to do. The pain just swells up and you want to do anything to make it end. I feel so heartbroken for those that don’t feel like there are more important things and let that feeling take over them. Suicide is the saddest thing in the world, to be so miserable to have the courage to kill yourself.

I’ve felt that misery before. But I would definitely never want to end my life because of it. There were times I would give myself a time out. So I would not hate everyone around me for not understanding, and to just hide from the world. I would often say that- I wish I could just disappear- not in a dying sense, just away from everyone and everything for a while.

I found a lot of comfort in things such as my computer. The more obsessed and engaged I was in watching a movie or researching things, the less I thought about how sad I was. That was odd behavior for me. I usually hate being home, having nothing to do, or not making plans. But those things just gave me anxiety.

Ironic (or not?) the anxiety is what gave me the depression. Somewhere between the mix of bad medicine and the stress of being anxious, I found that depression.

Anxiety disorder is probably the hardest to explain. You can be perfectly fine one moment, and the next you are a completely different person. Under extreme attacks, I do not know how to control myself. I shake. I freak out. There is no way in the world you could possibly get the feeling until you are in that hellish situation. Even with medicine to control my outbreaks, I can still feel it sometimes. Like, this brick of upset and stress. It comes out of nowhere and makes me have all sorts of emotions. Sad. Angry. Unconfident. Emotional.

Another funny thing about anxiety is that you dig your own grave in some situations. For example, you think that everyone hates you for feeling this way. That everyone thinks you are faking it [note-it is really rude to comment that someone is ‘faking’ an anxiety attack for attention. What are you, some kind of heartless sicko. Show them compassion.]

Then you start the whole, everyone hates me feeling. Then you apologize, and feel sick inside, and say sorry some more, until they really are annoyed with you. Because they are tired of you saying that and don’t understand the purpose of it. Then you once again, feel bad and apologize some more. When in the beginning- you were just experiencing that painful outcome of your mental problem that is clearly impossible to control.

Really. It is embarrassing. As much as you know and understand that it is out of your control and all chemical/ whatever, you always have a hint of guilt about it. You worry that you are ruining relationships that are important to you. You worry about ruining your own life because of your inability to fully do things. Sometimes you cant work. Sometimes you have to torture yourself to go to school. Or even just to get the most simple things done.

How someone could want to not be in a relationship, of any type- friendly, family, romantic- because of the problems you encounter, is unsettling. Besides the fact that with the right medicine, though a hassle to find, and their understanding support, it is relatively easy to control well over half the time, people still feel like it is too much for them to handle. I try to understand how a person could not want to see a person through a problem and support them during such a troubling time. Especially if they seemed to be a genuine person.

I have lost many friends due to my anxiety. People not knowing or overwhelmed with dealing with my disorders. It breaks my heart that I could lose people close to me over something that I work so hard on controlling. It almost makes me sick to think that people could do that to me. Strictly friends, and some romantic relations have been severed because of peoples ignorance or impatience.

There have been some people who have been there for me the whole time. My parents are so patient to me while I’m struggling and finding myself. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have such a child, who was so upset for really no reason and wishing you knew how to help them more than just doctor visits and reminding them to take pills every day.

I also cannot say that I have zero supportive friends. Two, in particular, have been exceptionally good friends to me no matter what I have dealt with. No matter how depressed or anxious I was. They will always be important people to me for being understanding and making time for me when I was such a mess and probably unpleasant to be around.

As for the future, it seems like I will have a better control over things. I still worry that my random attacks of anxiety and unsettling feelings will come, but they are not as bad as bad as they have been in the past, but also remembering it is not my fault. I did not cause this to happen to me, and many other people also struggle with the same problems in some form every day. My heart goes out to them.

I can only hope that I can be strong enough to continue to keep a good attitude about living with it and remember to acknowledge the people who are supportive of me.