what?

Pena Ajena (The embarrassment you feel watching someone else’s humiliation)

2011-04-16T11:04:00.011-06:00

you know how when you are watching a movie (or tv) and there are those really awkward scenes that are just painful to watch?

I feel like there are too many circumstances in my life where if someone was watching they would feel the same way.

soooo incredibly uncomfortable, but could totally relate.

cabbage

2011-03-21T12:17:00.003-06:00

i have discovered the secret to job interviews.

i have always thought i was GREAT at interviews. i talked as slow as i possibly could, said really logical things, and acted really mature.

and never got the job.

so.... it turns out...

if you talk in circles really fast and say a bunch of things that dont super[ly] make sense, they dont question you and just give you the job.

either because they think you are really smart, or because they are scared of you.

or desperate.

anyway. so much for talking slow, im just talking fast fasttttt fasstttt from now on.

jokes. oh yeah, and i totally just blogged again. yeah, i know.

Hi, and Bye.

2011-03-16T00:00:00.007-06:00

I swore off blogging/er/spot/ whatever.
But then I caved in.
i caaaaaved innn.

Jk i didnt. I am so over blogging. but im still tumblring.
http://christenelovesinternets.tumblr.com
so if you wanna see lame things i post and blurbs [hahaha blurb] of odd thoughts, that is your place. Im going to keep my ideas private for now. but maybe in the future i will blog again.

maybe when im a mom and want to share all my meals and baby puke stories.
[ha notttt]

ksee ya!

and maybe ill keep blogstalking you, and maybe i WONT.

i watched all of season 1 of buffy the vampire slayer.

2011-02-08T23:11:00.005-07:00

things i think are funny:
*people who wear ironic tshirts, but they wear them seriously. which i suppose makes them not ironic. just embarrassing. [well.. most ironic tshirts are just embarrassing no matter what.] the voices in my head...
*that britney spears is still making music. terrible, terrible music....
*the word 'obvi,' which is obvi not a word, just an abbreviation-
*that there are nc-17 movies on netflix [ok. not funny, more disturbed.]

things i really like:
*these new rad tissues my ma bought me with vicks in them.
*microwave kettlecorn
*the wallpaper on my phone.

things that creep me out:
*facebook
*when i accidentally get perfume up my nose

im baaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkk

synonym for witty

2011-02-04T00:26:00.004-07:00

Synonyms: amusing, bright, brilliant, campy, crazy, diverting, droll, entertaining, epigrammatic, facetious, fanciful, gay, humorous, ingenious, intelligent, jocose, jocular, joshing, keen, lively, original, penetrating, piercing, piquant, quick-witted, ridiculous, scintillating, screaming, slapstick, sparkling, waggish, whimsical

... campy?

hahahaha!

2010-12-19T19:03:00.003-07:00

sometimes, i internet fall in love with people.

on that note, im really ready for 2011, and in that year maybe i will blog more. because its not that i dont have the time...
i just fail to write down my ideas. and i would not be doing myself a favor if i did not type out my ideas. for myself. [mostly because my handwriting is terrible the older i get and i dont know if i will even be able to read it in a year. but i should work on that for my school notes.....]

and yes, im going back to school in the winter. heyyyyyaaa

2010-10-22T02:51:00.009-06:00

Indoor Camping

2010-10-14T14:57:00.003-06:00

The other day I turned on 2 fans and opened my window. It was pretty chilly outside, but I just love the feeling of being cold. I bundled up in 4 comforters and was surrounded by pillow. oh dear. I love pillows. Outside it smelled smokey. As I was laying there, trying to sleep, I could only think of one thing.

This is like... Indoor Camping!

There are very few things I enjoy about camping. Mostly I wish I could incorperate everything I want into a perfect camping experience. I love the feeling of my face being cold and the fresh air outside. I like the smell of outside. Basically, the only thing I really like about camping is that it is outside. I always wish I had at least 5 blankets and a nice mattress under me. I wish I could be somewhere free of ticks. Other than that- I would just love camping.

And I basically slept as good as I would have if I was camping- meaning I woke up probably at 4:30 am. And that, to me, is camping.

Ok. It may not sound even close to camping. But at 2 am, it felt like it.

Y

2010-10-03T14:13:00.005-06:00

and now on to something more serious.

I would like everyone right now to stand and give me a round of applause. Because I got 100% on my phlebotomy final test this week. And I am very proud of myself. So... I will give you a minute to do that.

Kthxbyeeeeeeeeeeeee

I hope my children are like me.

2010-09-05T22:09:00.003-06:00

Recently, my mom made me go through a box of things from my childhood and throw away /reorganize everything [completely trashing my living space and creating many distractions.]

If there is one thing i learned about my childhood, its that i wanted to be a writer. And i wrote a lot of ridiculous stories. If i think about it really, i remember writing stories as far back as i think i could write. before i could write. i was a dramatic child. and now im embarrassed because i did not fulfill my childhood dream of being a famous writer. i guess im only 22 and i still have a bright future.... hahhaaaaaaa. anyway, for your entertainment, i am including one of my many odd stories i wrote as a weird little girl, im guessing i was somewhere between 4th and 6th grade. i stayed naive for a long time.

heyyaaaaa:

In medford, colorado, lives a group of five kids. their names are Blossom, Nate, Madalyn, Olive, and Garnet [wtf? ha] Nate, the only boy of the group, always felt extra special. Blossom was so beautiful! Her long silvery-red hair just dangled past her shoulders. Garnet was the dreamer. She would dream and dream and dream. She had many fantasies. Most very unrealistic. [ i promise nothing sexy here] She always wrote with hearts on her I's and squiggly letters. She was such a dreamer that even when she was madly in love you could not tell- like the time she was in love with Morgan and thought it was very romantic that they had the same name. Olive, on the other hand, was a total TOMBOY. she wrote in big block letters that were real sloppy [at this time i changed my handwriting to be like hers] and she was a terrible speller. Madalyn was a girly girl. [from here on out i can not read my handwriting. then it becomes legible again.]

and there is no plot line, just me explaining characters of different stories, but never finishing them. i had a thing for names as a kid. i had a book of baby names that i found on a book shelf in my house and i hid it in my room and looked through it all the time. I was way embarrassed my mom would find out that i was looking up different names. probably i would make fun of my daughter for what i did too.

i was hiding a book of baby names while boys were hiding porn.

thats all.

A really long blog about serious things.

2010-08-30T01:49:00.001-06:00

The thing about anxiety and depression is- you don’t realize what it really is until you have experienced it.

There have been days in my life where I felt like my soul literally ached. I felt so sad inside I didn’t know what to do. The pain just swells up and you want to do anything to make it end. I feel so heartbroken for those that don’t feel like there are more important things and let that feeling take over them. Suicide is the saddest thing in the world, to be so miserable to have the courage to kill yourself.

I’ve felt that misery before. But I would definitely never want to end my life because of it. There were times I would give myself a time out. So I would not hate everyone around me for not understanding, and to just hide from the world. I would often say that- I wish I could just disappear- not in a dying sense, just away from everyone and everything for a while.

I found a lot of comfort in things such as my computer. The more obsessed and engaged I was in watching a movie or researching things, the less I thought about how sad I was. That was odd behavior for me. I usually hate being home, having nothing to do, or not making plans. But those things just gave me anxiety.

Ironic (or not?) the anxiety is what gave me the depression. Somewhere between the mix of bad medicine and the stress of being anxious, I found that depression.

Anxiety disorder is probably the hardest to explain. You can be perfectly fine one moment, and the next you are a completely different person. Under extreme attacks, I do not know how to control myself. I shake. I freak out. There is no way in the world you could possibly get the feeling until you are in that hellish situation. Even with medicine to control my outbreaks, I can still feel it sometimes. Like, this brick of upset and stress. It comes out of nowhere and makes me have all sorts of emotions. Sad. Angry. Unconfident. Emotional.

Another funny thing about anxiety is that you dig your own grave in some situations. For example, you think that everyone hates you for feeling this way. That everyone thinks you are faking it [note-it is really rude to comment that someone is ‘faking’ an anxiety attack for attention. What are you, some kind of heartless sicko. Show them compassion.]

Then you start the whole, everyone hates me feeling. Then you apologize, and feel sick inside, and say sorry some more, until they really are annoyed with you. Because they are tired of you saying that and don’t understand the purpose of it. Then you once again, feel bad and apologize some more. When in the beginning- you were just experiencing that painful outcome of your mental problem that is clearly impossible to control.

Really. It is embarrassing. As much as you know and understand that it is out of your control and all chemical/ whatever, you always have a hint of guilt about it. You worry that you are ruining relationships that are important to you. You worry about ruining your own life because of your inability to fully do things. Sometimes you cant work. Sometimes you have to torture yourself to go to school. Or even just to get the most simple things done.

How someone could want to not be in a relationship, of any type- friendly, family, romantic- because of the problems you encounter, is unsettling. Besides the fact that with the right medicine, though a hassle to find, and their understanding support, it is relatively easy to control well over half the time, people still feel like it is too much for them to handle. I try to understand how a person could not want to see a person through a problem and support them during such a troubling time. Especially if they seemed to be a genuine person.

I have lost many friends due to my anxiety. People not knowing or overwhelmed with dealing with my disorders. It breaks my heart that I could lose people close to me over something that I work so hard on controlling. It almost makes me sick to think that people could do that to me. Strictly friends, and some romantic relations have been severed because of peoples ignorance or impatience.

There have been some people who have been there for me the whole time. My parents are so patient to me while I’m struggling and finding myself. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have such a child, who was so upset for really no reason and wishing you knew how to help them more than just doctor visits and reminding them to take pills every day.

I also cannot say that I have zero supportive friends. Two, in particular, have been exceptionally good friends to me no matter what I have dealt with. No matter how depressed or anxious I was. They will always be important people to me for being understanding and making time for me when I was such a mess and probably unpleasant to be around.

As for the future, it seems like I will have a better control over things. I still worry that my random attacks of anxiety and unsettling feelings will come, but they are not as bad as bad as they have been in the past, but also remembering it is not my fault. I did not cause this to happen to me, and many other people also struggle with the same problems in some form every day. My heart goes out to them.

I can only hope that I can be strong enough to continue to keep a good attitude about living with it and remember to acknowledge the people who are supportive of me.

short- like my legs.

2010-07-27T17:32:00.002-06:00

sometimes, i cant decide what is more/ most important to me

no, i will not eat your creepy version of protein.

2010-07-11T03:41:00.007-06:00

After a long time of being insistent about my peculiar picky consumption of meat, I have given in.

My requirements were these:

I do not eat pork. Ill try any excuse. I am a jew. I AM A JEWWWW!!! [ok.not really a jew...]

I do. not eat. roast. beef.

or steak.

OR lamb. or any animal not meant to be eaten. such as; deer.

Here is where I lowered my standards

i still don’t eat pork. However today I was too lazy to open up a new package of lunch meat. So I choked down some ham. This is how bad my laziness has become? I am never eating pig meat again. Stop trying to trick me. I will bend my rules. Because im lazy. Like how ive been eating corndogs…. We wont even get into that. There is so so so many excuses. Hot dogs are gross.

b. i was really really hungry last week. Practically starving. Mom. Please stop making roast beef multiple times a month, let along multiple times a WEEK. But my poor stomach was much too weak to cook anything else. Even if it was just in the microwave. I was starving, remember?

Steak is only to be consumed in a situation such as the last nooooo moooreeee exxceeptionns.

d. Which leads to lamb. which will NEVER be excused. Who do you think I am. Im not going to eat an animal that is on the cover of a lisa frank folder. I learned better than that in elementary school, come on!

On the other hand, Glenn Beck is creepy.

shaved legs

2010-06-26T12:52:00.002-06:00

when im in the shower, i think of my best ideas. so i want someone to invent me a waterproof tape recorder so i can record my ideas and then write them down when i get out. if i try to wait till i get out of the shower i dont sound as good.

shower = me really insightful, eloquent, and interesting.

thats all.

a blog in which i say "boyfriend" too many times.

2010-06-16T00:41:00.003-06:00

Today was a pretty good day.

i woke up.

i ate some cereal.

chatted online with my superhotttt boyfriend.

ran some errands with my mom.

picked out early birthday presents.

came home.

and then rode bikes with said boyfriend and his friend Dallin.

Dallin is a precious boy.

then i ate a lot, la lala,

oh. and wrecked kyle.s hair.

despite the fact that i, just last month, gave kyle william challis the most awesome haircut of his young adult life.... i ruined his hair. i lost confidence and then we just buzzed it all off. poor hair. iloved that hair. it was so blonde and wavy and covered his forehead in such a pleasant way. how could i ruin his hair? I am so intensely displeased with myself words can not discribe it. part of me died a little. i let kyle down. i let myself down. now he has to face his mom. his dad. six siblings. a sister in law. a brother in law. 3 nieces. all his nerd friends. good thing he works from home. now he will never have to show his boss. my poor buzz head boyfriend. i kept saying "im so sorry. dont hate me!" over and over. probably one thousand times in an hour. i called him on the phone. i texted it. i facebooked it. i bloggeed about it. Its just hair, christene. you will live. he will live. yeah... im not convincing myself too well. also, he is not convincing me. by the way- i have the nicest most sincere boyfriend with the biggest heart you will ever meet. besides being a total babe- he still loves me when i totally butcher his hair and whine about it all night. Then i started feeling bad like he would think he was unattractive with no hair. then i whined some more about how he was soooo cute and i still liked him. more dont hate me whines. im so secure when i make mistakes. and he just kissed me --jk i have never kissed a boy!! -- no, he hugged me and said he liked it better that way.

and that, everyone else, is how i somehow am dating the coolest boy in the universe. no- that is only a small microscopic example. and even though i keep losing all hope in everything i remember that good things really do happen to good people.

oh and then i attempted to sleep. because i get to take my cousin to the airport at 7 am.....

zac efron probably has a crush on me.

2010-06-11T12:09:00.006-06:00

i cant swallow very well even after day four of antibiotics- which is probably a bad sign. other than the fact that i have been sick for 2 weeks now and my work hours got cut down [not because of my lack of good work but because not enough kids signed up for camp, OK! haha]- which seemed impossible- i have sewed a dress and managed to squirm my way out of cleaning my room, doing anything responsible, and sleeping wayyy less than a sick person should. that, my friend, is summer break. and you would think that the summer i turned 22 should be more responsible, but.... lets wait until my birthday [july 14, ahemmm] and THEN ill whip out the responsibility and be a real grown up. because then ill be a menace to society [jk.] until then... who wants to play!! hahaha [the sick part is really discouraging. but ill get better, promise!]

10 ways to make life better

2010-05-07T02:12:00.002-06:00

1. ice cream bars.

2. elton john: tiny dancer. repeat. repeat.

3. make more money than you expected.

4. have a good hair day.

5. watch this video: http://www.hulu.com/watch/73360/saturday-night-live-lawrence-welk .

6. learn to crochet.

7. successfully foil a sneaky plan.

8. steam rooooom. thanks glenn.

9. drop out of school. [ok a little sarcasm.]

10. meet kyle challis.

ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE IM YELLING, DUH.

2010-04-21T16:02:00.002-06:00

OHHAITHURRRRRR

100TH POST!!!!!! THIS IS QUITE THE EVENT.

AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING MEMORABLE ABOUT THIS.

EXCEPT, TUMBLR OWNS MY LYFE

[ WWW.CHRISTENELOVESINTERNETS.TUMBLR.COM ]

AND I LOVE PUNS TODAY SO LEAVE ME A GOOD PUN JOKE IN A COMMENT.

PLZ.

THX.

BAI.

a blog in which i name drop. A LOT.

2010-04-21T02:58:00.005-06:00

i am going to tell you all my crushes for as long as i remember. because right now that sounds really funny.

maybe not funny not a 3:30 am

[p.s. i have had more crushes than this, but these are the ones that were the most memorable ]

Christoper. K-3rd grade.

Alex. 4th grade- 21 years old. early 21, mind you.

Curtis, Paul, and every other boy in 6th grade

James. in 7th grade wanted to go out with me but i said no. what was i thinking?!!? i liked him...

Jesse. he was so dreamy. i wouldnt wear a sweatshirt to school because i knew he would always let me wear his.

Josh was a senior and let me wear his lettermans jacket. he was on the water polo team.

Jordan, was in middle school and i was in high school. [well i would have been in middle school if i lived in utahhhs...]

John was my first wild boy crush and my first huge heartbreak. damn you, john bell.

Logan was the first boy i ever held hands with.

Spencer, bless your heart if you read this, i was in love with you. you were so asian.

Stephen will forever be the boy of my dreams and i owe a lot of the way i think to him. he probably has no clue about this. that is embarrassing. he was also exceptionally handsome.

Mystery Facebook boy, i know your name but i refuse to admit it. I talked to you at the library one time. You were my first hipster crush.

Daren- and then we got engaged years later, then you married a girl ] very soon after i dumped you. someone wanted to get married.

Cody was black and i liked him. we met at a byu dance. i did not just admit that.

i really cant remember any names of crushes from mid 2007 to mid 2008....

Kenton had earrings and tattoos.

Brennan was and forever will be probably the biggest joke of my dating life.

Matt let me kiss him at his california mansion, but not really because i have never kissed a boy before.

and now we are to april 2010. and i have a crush on evvverryyy boyyyyy

i hope i did not forget you.

i cant believe i just said all that.

and then here is my celebrity crush because everyone knows how much i want to date the not celebrity version of michael cera.

who needs $k00l

2010-04-14T17:19:00.001-06:00

I hate school. I hate papers. And I don’t think my intelligence should be measured on whether I can please some teacher with idiotic papers and memorizing facts. I feel more stupid because of school. I have learned how to bill $|-|!+ my way out of papers, and cram facts into my head for tests, only to forget the information as fast as I remembered it.

Thank you college for providing me with the tools for a bright and useful future.

im a mystery. or not.

2010-03-28T17:42:00.000-06:00

this could be potentially so funny

http://www.formspring.me/itischristene

just when you think a boy's facial hair cant get any uglier... [yeah you!! jk]

2010-03-26T01:39:00.006-06:00

dealbreakers.

goatees.

soul patches.

also,

FJ cruisers.

oh how i hate those things.

revolutionary students union.

2010-03-24T10:49:00.003-06:00

"are you communist?"

no.

"why not."

i almost said, im a socialist.

[which they would have equally been pleased with.]

either the communists are too smart for me, or i just am bad at explaining questions.

all i wanted to know was how the idea of socialism has effected or caused new ideas, or who's ideals of socialism have made more radical effects. for example. there was a socialist who took his ideas and made a new theory based on socialism but more effective. rather simple, because i think that there is more than one person who effectively twisted socialism into his own theories.

i just wanted to hear a revolutionist tell me their own views on this, whether i knew it or not, and they were just getting annoyed with me and my bad wording of questions.

i bet they were thinking- omg this wanna be blonde has no clue what she is talking about and i hope she never comes to our club. i really did make a fool of myself. ii just wanted to have a conversation with someone who was not a ultra conservative Uta[rd. sorry.] And i was not just talking to them because i had a crush on the boy who doesnt really know how to explain much or what political category he belongs to but knows he is not going to school and hates capitalism.

either way, they gave me a rad pin.

viva socialism!

thank you universe

2010-03-23T12:30:00.003-06:00

i was sitting there. waiting for my windshield to be brand new. i was wearing some terrible outfit of too tight old jeans and a boy t-shirt. I had no makeup on and had wet messy hair. I was looking like a real gem. then the APEX boys started hitting on me. These boys never fail to get some flirts in. Doesnt matter if you look like a boy or fail to have good hygiene. They are salesmen.

"So... are you Polish?"

Polish?

"Or Russian?"

Um....

"where are you from?"

oh. california.

"..."

sometimes people think im Korean.

"i would buy that."

im from Switzerland.

"really??"

no. im from california.

"oh."

and the conversation continues.

"so, you like 18?"

"you go to schoool?"

and then it came.

"we work for APEX"

[he was there with his chunky mexican friend.]

oh. oh. gross.

[yes i admit it, i told them they were gross.]

"GROSS? why we gross?"

[the mexi speaking is in red]

uh, because you guys are all the same.

"you stereotyping me??!"

actually yes. yes i am.

"i work hard for what i have, i work hard for these true religions."

quiet laugh.

[he was actually wearing true religions in the most terrible light shade.]

yaaaaa, you are different. Nothing like those douches.

then he grinned.

and showed me this youtube video on his Iphone.

"You talking about people like this?? Ya, they ARE funny."

Yes, yes you are.

TWILIGHTTTTTT FTWWWW!!!

2010-03-15T02:00:00.003-06:00

after putting myself through 2 hours of bella and jacob and edward, im going to put aside all my hip and cool jeans and say i totally team with jacob. i cant deny it. first of all. hes brown. which gives him like a thousand points. and bella disssed him. so two thousand points. and then. hes a wolf. and i like 3 wolf moon shirts, so three thousand points. all edward has is the advantage of everyone knowing he is going to win and sparkly skin. i like sparkles. maybe.

then i remembered it was a ridiculous tween novel and i said,

why the #^$& do i care?

oh ill tell you why.

BECAUSE TAYLOR LAUTNERR IS A HOTTTIEEEEEEEEE
MMMMMBOYYYYY

[omg that iz 4 surioussssss.]

plz&thxkbyeeeeeeee

furrealz

2010-03-09T01:44:00.001-07:00

eff eff efffff efff

2010-03-07T22:18:00.007-07:00

my sister made me make up 2 poems on the spot, or, im a little bit perverted.

2010-02-26T17:52:00.004-07:00

i wunce had a sisser namer kayweee,
she was fuuny but in a good way.
won day i said, Kayweee babyy,
lets wear our bathing suits ALL DAY!!!

How dare you suggest that dear cc,
we do that and just you watch...
we will get excellent tan lines,
but get an itchy crotch.

[would you actually? i just made that up.]

my lovely blonde sister named kayle,
she is pretty and boys love to stare.
is it her really hot body?
is gorgeous lonng silky blonde Hair?

im so envious of her sense of humor.
shes funnier that you thats a fact.
but even better than her looks or personality,
shes never even been macked.

[meaning youve never kissed a boy before.]

3x3

2010-02-25T12:14:00.007-07:00

internets:

google chrome- i was so skeptical of you, but now, i love you.

tumblr- i love you. i was never skeptical. you won me over like a lovesick little girl.

facebook-we have such a love/hate relationship. i want to dump you soooo bad. but you sweet talk me back. this reminds me of every bad relationship i get in...

school:

polisci-why are you doing this to me. we were in love

jews- after this class im frustrated with you. only because im doing so terrible in it and im confused. sorry melissa trupp.

teacher i have for 2 classes-cluster cuss.

people:

kyle challis-thank you for being such a good friend to me.

ashleymbright-"big brown beautiful eyes"

mom-iloveyouendofstory.

ode to deodorant.

2010-02-17T10:40:00.004-07:00

i just started to make a rhyme about how i was twenty two.

and half way into it i realized i was only twenty one.

which was a little strange, and now im feeling weird because i just lied to myself about my age. anywayyyy,

once i was twenty one,
and i really liked getting things done.

i like to make crafts and art,
and google things that rhyme with heart.

and one day while i was at my house,
i made some crepes and listened to some modest mouse.

then i texted and dreamed,
of something happy and rather love themed.

am i serious? probably.

2010-01-21T12:27:00.002-07:00

time travel, dear, is impossible. Because if you went back to when you were younger, then there would be two of you. Then, you could prove it to me.

otherwise you are false.

ok... i googled time travellers. and there are some. but i want proof!

and then the earth does not end in 2012 and john cusack lied to me.

i had to do it for myself.

2010-01-20T13:07:00.002-07:00

hi,

guess what.

im freeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and as cute as this little boy. :D lolzzz

its like forgetting the words to your favorite song.

2009-11-10T21:08:00.004-07:00

thank you, regina, for providing me with ultimately the best soundtrack of november.

things i like.

1. singing
2. sleeping a lot
3. a really good sandwich
4. intern3t tvssss
5. when my friends notice i need help.
6. finding my phone charger
7. summer and seth the unicorn couple.
8. my hair
9. no snow
10. when days dont suck

and since i havent blogged in a while i thought i would make this a little longer than usual and tell a story. but then i couldnt think of anything remotely funny- or that anyone else would think is funny, so ill save that for a blog another time soon. untill then, im going to stay boring and uneventful. and disappoint anyone who ever thought i was a funny blogger. also im quitting the bad words. so, cheer me on.

*%$^&#@!#%^

2009-10-09T10:35:00.001-06:00

last night i puked from anxiety.

make it go away.

ive always hated october.

2009-10-05T20:55:00.002-06:00

More than likely right now im feeling more emotions at once than is healthy for a single person. single meaning... one person? or single meaning if i was in a relationship it would be healthy? damned if i knew. hahaha. im torn between being the sweetheart that i am so well known to be and the b*****, that is not the b word, btw, that i possibly should be? possible, that i should not be? ugh. here is the deal. i dont handle people well. i just want to give them what they want. im either really nice or really mean. and i find it painfully hard to find a medium i think. also, im currently feeling ill because of the way i feel. ugh, curse, this blog has to end now. i cant write more or i will turn rediculous.

my hair is blonder, maybe my brain is too.

2009-09-26T18:48:00.003-06:00

i am in love with reading blogs. nothing makes my day more complete than opening up my blog page and seeing that someone has typed out some long story or shpeel [correct spelling or not, it looks grosser and cooler this way. or, more gross and cool.] of feelings. ok, maybe things have completed me more than that, but right now at this very second i think not.

also, i learned yesterday via brennan that i am not as intellegent as i thought i was. as i was correcting his paper i was marking the heck out of it. he then turned and showed me in his english whatever book that he was right, and i was not. im pretty sure at Byuiiiii that they taught me otherwise. so i feel pretty fooled right now.

last, congradulate me on successfully being in a 3 month relationship. lets not jinx it though, there are still hours in the day. hahhhh

p.s. matthew, i have not even started malcolm x yet, and i probably have a test on it this coming week. im good at things.

btw,

2009-09-12T10:17:00.003-06:00

i keep attempting to write a blog about how im slowly turning into this mushy sucker.
but no matter how i write it, im either emberassed, or, probably emberassed.
mostly im just emberassed.hh

maybe in the future i can make a better attempt, or stop writing blogs about things i am not going to blog about. because it is often.

summary? mushhhh

i promise im not trying to be vulgar. too much.

2009-08-28T17:20:00.002-06:00

the thing about blogging is you have to be very careful what you write.
i never know who is secretly blogstalking me.
I could write something about this annoying acquaintance who gives me the biggest pain in the butt, but since we are facebook friends, i take a risk of being b.s.-ed [blogstalked.]
i make fun of my grandma- b.s.-ed.
i talk about my huge crush on a boy. b.s.-ed.
i complain about my best friend. b.s.-ed.
you get the point.
its all b.s.
and i love it anyway.

the case of the moving girl

2009-08-15T14:41:00.005-06:00

oh dang it, im moving.
oh wait, i already did, suckkkkaaa.

next step, moving to murray.
hah, if i could even get any money.
i need a second job, maybe even a third one.

things im aspiring to accomplish:
being better at thinking of funny romantic things to say.
developing patience.
being better at homework.
fixing this stomach problem.
obtaining a large amount of money.

please keep me in check on this. any assistance will be accepted.

on the other hand, these are the things i want to brag about:
my hair.
the fact that i got an excellent job.
my survival to the age of 21.

yaaaaaboyyyyyy.

unless you are alanis morisette, please pronounce 'figures' the correct way.

2009-08-05T23:26:00.004-06:00

how did i get so bad at blogging? sometimes i think im beginning to lost all my creativity and spunk. but then i rememeber its just summer and im too lazy. H, its summer, so i should have so much to blog about. bblllooooggggggg. well maybe once i get out of my gay math class, i will have the energy to be clever again.
maybe its because all i can think of is mushy things or possibly just nonsense i am too embarrassed to share with anyone.

and i do not want to embarass myself. [lolzz]

ok, ok, i get it. my lack of a life is producing little to nothing to blog about. it is concluded.
shush.

this is internet christene

2009-07-13T14:32:00.004-06:00

1. my birthday is tomorrow

2. mackenzie told me to blog about my love life. but im kinda too embarrassed to do that right now. just imagine that you are dating the nicest boy ever, and that would be me.

3. 21 tomorroowww!!!

4. i really suck at math

5. i am not worse at tetris than math, but thats not saying much.

mostly i just love lists. im going to go take a nap now. holllerrrrrrr.

summer is soooooooooooooo romantic

2009-07-06T16:41:00.003-06:00

Ive never been so poor and happy.
I have ungraciously recieved 2 tickets this summer.
I have been so unemployed.
But I have such good friends a girl can not complain.
Ive been to California, The drive in, Nicklecade, the mall once a week, and basically all of my most favorite things this summer.
luckyyyyy huhhhhhhh.
H ya.
also my roommate missed me while i was gone.
speaking of,
Best independence day of my life.
i have so much to be happy about right now.
so if i start complaining, tell me that im lucky, and that season 3 of the O.C is on the internet.
[if i pass this math class....]
please, ashley bright, promise you will stay a part of my life forever,
and mackenzie currie, bless you for listening to all my mushy stories.
alison, enjoy your last slutty summer before you get murrried. [lolz]
also im hungry once more. Hoooooorrayaaaayaayayay.

so far these are my favorite things about this summer

2009-06-14T23:47:00.005-06:00

pushing daisies
sandwiches
pop tarts
bike rides
shorts
tan skin

dancing to hi hater

price is right

hold on.

2009-06-14T20:28:00.004-06:00

p.s. im going to look back at my blogs when im older and really make fun of myself. really. recent ones mostly in particular. also everything i do most days. like when i was at the 90s party yesterday and i thought, wow, im going to make fun of myself for this and almost everything else i do when i am older. maybe even in 2 years.

My Birthday is in a Month. From Today.

2009-06-14T20:17:00.004-06:00

There should be blog rules.
1. posting blogs that are one line and repeat the title are lame.
ok. im guilty of an occasional one line blog. only because i think that sometimes i am funny. but when you are serious i am making fun of you, because usually they are pointless and tacky.
2. terrible misspellings.
i was tempted to spell that wrong.
3.only have a married person blog if you are planning on me making fun of it.
sometimes they are interesting..... if you like knowing what the person made for every meal of the day. However, keep them coming because i need the entertainment
4. plan on blogs like these.
because im a brat.

kiss.

im almost 21.

in case you were wondering

2009-06-07T00:58:00.004-06:00

the other day i admitted to my mother that i had a blog.
suprisingly, she was suprised.
and i just used the 2 same words on purpose, ok.
she was defending blog users because someone was bashing on them.
"blogs are like a record" my mother said.
and i said. i have one.
really?
yes.
so i guess since my blog is like a record [ thats probably not the exact words she used] that I should write more, or less, or more stuff that is substantial and less that is hi, ilove blog, bye. but i will not be boring. im just saying. [here i go.... this is what i mean, blahhhh]
so i was on price is right,
i went to california,
i went to a crazy dance party tonight that i was sure i would leave early but was one of the last to leave...,
went to an institute dance yesterday,
uh,
thats all for now.
peace.
lolzzzzz
also i listened to the carpenters in my car all weekend.

heart.

2009-05-17T16:42:00.003-06:00

once there was a girl who was sensitive. moderately. occasionally she was extra sensitive, but she has met much worse. and the world wanted to make her suffer by making her have this new extra trial. called living with a continuous chain of terrible roommates. however, the sun comes out now and she can wear sunny dresses and something she newly discovered- shorts. when the time comes that she gets a regular flow of money and can afford to do things, she will have one less thing to worry about. she would also like to have a crush. but no worries.
because it is summmmmmmmerrrrrrrrrrr!

im so sick of...

2009-04-20T01:27:00.002-06:00

telling people off, and then feeling guilty about it.
whining, and then feeling guitly about it.
not going to the gym one day, and then feeling guitly about it.
saying something emberassing, then feeling emberassed about it.
acting really awkward around dream boy, and then being REALLY emberassed about it.
thinking about how emberassing i am.
thinking about how much i supposedly dont care about things and then being emberassed about the fact that lately ive cared more.
not being able to let myslelf grow up,
not being able to sleep [tonight because if spiders]
and being negative.
im so sick of being negative.

and im sorry ive been a real jerk to everyone lately.

and what do you think of that.

2009-04-18T00:42:00.003-06:00

yes, i saw the movie 17 Again, and i liked it.
and.
i went to a jewelry party on thursday.
where i met a kid who looked like james franco when he was on freaks and geeks. and he said his last name was ring. and he sold rings.
and.
i like beyonce.

living at home makes me a different person.
and now im moving out.
[pppprrrrooovvvooooooooooo, i need an apt still....]

so. we'll see.

2009-04-11T22:27:00.003-06:00

TODAY WAS THE LONGEST DAY EVAAA.
MY FINGERS HURT BECAUSE I DONT PLAY MY GUIIITARR ENUF.
IMSOGLADITSALMOSTSUMMERR
I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS CRAZY 90s HAIR ACCESSORY I FOUND!!!
I WANT TO WATCH UNICORN MOVIE
im making a funny face at you
WHY DIDNT I GET TO GO TO THE BABY ANIMAL FAIR!!!!?!?!?
new secret crush.... how could you
I ATE A PEANUT BUTTER AND MARSHMELLOW CREME SANDWICHHHHH FOR THE FIRST TIMEEEEEE
LOLZZZZ
TOMORROW IS EASTER!!!!!
and you are not my secret crush.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

what do you hate?

2009-04-06T04:33:00.005-06:00

i dont eat pork or beef or green beans. i dont drink milk.
i dont like spinach or mountain dew or garlic or onions.
i dont like ranch dressing, mayonaise or gravy.
im so picky. my favorite food is sandwiches, but not ham or roast beef [gag]
ok, so just like i am food picky, i also hate snow activities, most sports, hilly hikes, action movies, brian regan and jackie chan, and most smells. and i get car sick reallllly easily.
and i hate rude people and insensitive people.
i probably hate you and everything you do.

this is just for all those who say i hate everything.

[its written jokingly. in case you dont understand well]

ilove dream phone and fridays and bathing suits and sweaters and naps and water and dancing and clean clothes and more water and my room and my car and toothpaste and my family and my house and my computer and utah and the park and the library and the dollar store and institute iff id ever go, and museums, and making craftshahahah and my sewing machine and paint and pictures and kitttttiess and the music and books and more music on the radio and staying up all night and ice cream and ipod and rec center and running and trees and sandwiches and hugs and adventures and moooovies and nicklecade and the beach and disneyland and pizza and watching tv on my computer and making crazy lists and blogs and talking on and on and being cool and friendzzzzz

im so happy

2009-04-03T00:50:00.001-06:00

with not having to make big decesions.

preface: not my best writing.

2009-04-01T15:12:00.005-06:00

people never take things the way you want them to.

1. people think if you are nice you are flirting
2. people cant take obvious hints.
3. im bad at being mean, and i mean that in 2 ways.

ok back to number one. ok, i dont understand anyone anymore.
if im trying to flirt they cant take a hint, and if im just being friendly, they think im in love, and dont want to hurt my feelings.

notice how general im being.

and obviously, people. i dont know how to be more obvious than not. ill leave that there.

but leading into number three, im sick of having to give subtle hints to not hurt peoples feelings.

i think im just too nice or too mean. someone help me. it may be guilt. i feel so guilty about hurting someones feelings-- about anything -- that i dont say anything, unless i feel like its necessary. then im really mean, but i feel really bad and take it back. i just dont know how to break news to people.

newsflash, this is towards you.
if its not towards you, you might know.

ugh.

2009-03-24T23:43:00.002-06:00

lately ive been so sparatic.
so, lost may be the word.
and im quite ready to go back to school.
my brain is dying to be challenged.
to deal with new people.
to make myself social again.
to love-
not nessisarily in a romantic way
[althought that would be pleasant]
but in another way.
love friends, also learning.
scriptures, also small things unappriciated.

im almost eager to miss my family.
i long for a reason to get out of my comfort zone.
right now im so in it-

living in utah has made me so much more confident.
i realize who i am and who i want to be.
but im ready to step back into the place that i once felt awkward...
with my newfound self.
[hoorah...]

just a normal day at work

2009-03-21T16:09:00.002-06:00

"My mom's married to a girl. I hate it"

"Your nose is really red. like you have a cold or something."

today i went to work a day early.

2009-03-19T21:25:00.005-06:00

just fyi:
i wish i could be a doctor.
i am sooo excited for summer.
i still hate sports.
inside jokes are not as funny as people think they are.

blogs are not journals.

2009-03-18T00:39:00.003-06:00

blogs are ideal in your head. computers are so in. no one writes anymore. heck. if you wrote out an essay your teacher would just raise his eyebrow at you. so.... blog! you can type out your feelings and the internet keeps it all organized for you. you can find out odd things. Howser would be so jealous. So its like a journal right? except, unlike a journal, i cant let it slip that i have secret crushes on my friends, or discuss my terrible co worker. i cant really express my insecurities without looking like i need validation. so, blog, thanks a lot for denying me of my childhood journal entries. all they ever consisted of were: im grounded today, life sucks. and-- i have a crush on chris, but jeremy bugs me. now i can just type out lame jokes that i heard that day or recent improvements in my life.
just to be a rebel: i have a secret crush on my friend, my coworkers treat me like im 16, and my stomach hurts. so there.

im going to sleep now.

2009-03-17T02:18:00.006-06:00

the past few days i have stayed up till 2 or 3 in the morning to finish the first 3 seasons of doogie howser. the show. no one knows what it is when i mention it. so you can figure im telling you this for many reasons. hey, your life is not as pathetic as mine. you dont waste sleep watching an early 90s television show. or...to make you jealous. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and now i have to finish the last season of this...adventure? im not even much of a t.v. person. which makes me laugh. some people are obsessed with television shows. personally, about once or twice a year i find some series and decide to spend a week staying up all night to finish. then im done for 6 or 8 months till i need a new "time killer." mostly this blog was to make myself feel better for my current nerdy actions. [as i sing the theme song in my head]

just dont do it. dont. please. stop. ok?

2009-03-12T01:06:00.000-06:00

i decided im going to start telling the world things they ought to know.
[not that these are at all based on current personal experiences... .. .]
number one.
airheads give you bad breath.
im sure you didnt notice as a kid. you loved those rediculously sugary candy. i love the white ones. i mean, they are freakin' Mystery flavored!! Anyway. little did you know, they make your mouth smell wretched. and not like ew i have a bad taste in my mouth only i can taste and im slightly paranoid. smell like, you and your sister ate them during a basketball game and your mom wont talk to you untill you chew mints to make the smell dissapear. and 6 mints later you still reek. not that it is from personal experience.
numero dos.
dont get tricked by your siblings into doing their homework. i know that you are really smart and know everything just like i do, but there is no reason why you should do most of your sister's research and essay outline for her.
but i felt so smart.....
THREEE!
oooo. i think ill read slumdog millionaire. the movie won a million acadamy awards [get it, million?? hhahaa, ok i dont think you can even consider that a joke.] anyway. everyone assured me they didnt know why the movie was rated 'restricted', maybe some swear words or something added in the movie for more effect, and some poverty shown- maybe a scene of violence. uh.....excuse me? the book was something alright. if you think its cool to read about men molesting boys and stuff like that [ i dont even feel appropriate typing that.] oh, but it was happy when he fell in love with the prostitute.....

not that there was any sarcasm in me when i wrote this, forgive meee, its 1:30 AM.

p.s.

2009-03-08T01:01:00.001-07:00

will someone please tell me what to do with my life

im not mad or anything...

2009-03-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

im just really sick of how people are so inconsiderate.

thats all.

Bill-oney

2009-03-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

What if...
You had a husband named Bill.
You had dollar Bills.
You payed Bills.
You were a politician and you signed Bills.
Your favorite football team was the Buffalo Bills.
You had a duck with a Bill.
You lived in a city in Montana called Bill[ings.]

Your whole life would be Bills.

bob dylan

2009-03-02T22:49:00.001-07:00

as it turns out, a lot more people read my blog than i thought. so i should be careful of what i say from now on. haha. i often read letters to crushes. its nice because its [romantic] on my level. humorous and real. its just entertaining.

and i am just rambling. i have a lot and a little on my mind.
oh, and i like bob dylan.

who am i.

2009-02-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

i am christene.
i have blonde hair and green eyes.
i am maybe the pickiest person you have met.
i also am 100% genuine, all the time.
i love myself. i have been thinking a lot lately about who i am.
its so easy to be self conscious and wish you were someone else.
but i appreciate who i am.
im a complete nerd. when people ask what i like to do, the first things that come to mind are absolutely geeky.
i like to play on my computer. watch artsy films. read biographies and informational books. i love my sewing machine. im a music nerd. i love art galleries and museums. i love talking about feelings.
i love that i can wear thrift store clothes and no makeup and sloppy hair and still think im so cool.
i really am not saying all this to brag about myself at all. no one really reads my blog [well. some do. hahaha] but really to let it out; that even though im unusual, i mean, im known for being extreme about things and loud, that i really love being me.
i dont love sports. but im good at my family art projects. im not coordinated and i hate hiking, but i am a pro at google.really i am. im smart. and im proud that i can have intelligent conversations.
letting yourself know what you love about yourself is really rad. it is almost empowering.

phones are fashion statements and my mom says thats gross

2009-02-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

Possibly the best things that i have heard this month:
"I miss fighting over where we are going to dinner"
"Christene, you are interesting"
"Christene always entertains me on f chat."
"Ms. Finch, are you a hippie?"

thats what i aim for.

i like to appriciate the simple things in life. when you are not known as boring. when people appriciate your presence even if it is fighting over what to eat. when someone notices your tacky middle part you are trying to sport. when you can be good at talking online. thats what i like to hear. i mean, anyone can say you have nice eyes or something like that, but when they notice the things that are important to you specifically, [ not that i dont love my pretty eyes] its really cool.

you can knit a sweater by the fireplace

2009-02-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

once i was engaged. actually it was a week and a half ago.
ive been really annoyed by people telling my that its ok because i was "too young" or that it happened "too quick." who cares.
[well them apparently....(and im almost 21 ok)]
i think the reason why im writing this right now is that ive realized lately that the best thing to do is stay out of people's business unless it is obvious that it is appropriate. i dont need you lecturing me about my mistakes. who said it was a mistake? i am learning everyday. i also want you to know that this sounded much more effective in my head with some profanities in it but i refrained from doing so. on a lighter note. thank you to people who have been understanding. it means a lot to me. [love]

i listen to pop music and i feel like a kid again

2009-01-15T21:56:00.000-07:00

yeah.....

part one.
the lady at the doctors office, you should be fired. because all you know how to do is be a jerkface.

part two.
man in rexburg, your cranky face doesnt help. and you are bossy. and make horribe suggestions.

part three.
lady at carles jr, why were you so nice. you work in fast food. im going to get you a raise.

part four.
people at target registers that make jokes with me make my day.

part five.
lady at the rose garden: carma, you are my hero. i would buy things from you anyday. not only is your name carma, but you are the freaken sweetest lady i have ever met.

part six.
last, i want to thank dave. dave, you are super rad.

and that is my rant on customer service. mostly people in utah [and idaho, apparently] are super nice. but sometimes, i just dont get it. and so i blog. today has been a long long day.

please dont let it snow

2008-12-11T13:11:00.001-07:00

hello!!!!!!!
Happy December.
Hallelujah, the year is almost over.
2008 was not so great.
2009, i hope your fine.
merry christmas, as well.
my goal is to reallly achieve the true meaning of christmas this year. ive noticed that as much as i think that i have it, i can always have it more. and thats what im searching for.
im really looking forward to times to come.
im really looking forward to making new years resolutions i wont keep.
im really looking forward to getting smarter,
reading a lot of books,
learning to love everyone,
polishing up skills,
becoming a more organized person,
remembering important things,
and maybe my blogs will stop being so listy and make sense.
i want womanizer to stop being stuck in my head.
i want to learn all the words to all my favorite songs.
oh, and new president.
i have faith in him.
i hope.
lincoln almost executed all the sioux indians.

im a sioux indian.
ok far back.

thats all.

oh

2008-12-01T16:58:00.000-07:00

DUUUDEEEE

people comment to me on how i dance when i walk home

2008-11-25T13:56:00.001-07:00

i think that this is going to be a good week.

one. its thanksgiving, even though its a horrible holiday.

two. no school.

three. ice skating.

four. see bff.

five. hang out with my sisters

six. no work on friday

seven. reading time

eight. almost december

nine. no horrible family encounters

ten. i love my friends.

when i was little i wrote thanksgiving programs.

every year my friends joke about me making another one.

i want everyone to know. there will not be a thanksgiving program this year.

sorry.

hahaha.

i have to finish my geography project before i can celebrate though.

happy thanksgiving.

and in the spirit of....

thank you kayle for catsinsinks.com everyday,

thank you kenton for 30 second mysteries,

thank you daren for promising to see twilight with me,

thank you matt for i <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">huckabees.

thank you ashley for listening to my drama,

thank you adam for pizza last week,

thank you caitlynn for being the bombest roommate ever,

thank you mom for giving me attention.

thank you bishop for having my childhood dollhouse,
and thousand dollar christmas house display of wonder.

thank you jordan school district for letting me have the most fun job ever.

thank you lady next to me for looking like molly shannon.

thank you dad for yellow laptop.

thank you crazy people for giving me inside jokes.

no thanks to my world history teacher for grading my tests way harder than necessary because she is ridiculous.

thank you 3oh!3 for making my roommate getting your song stuck in my head.

ahoy

2008-11-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

im moving home, and i hate the word 'enjoy'

[i also just realized that an old post of mine was labeled with the lords name in vain,
and it was totally on accident. i apologize. its been corrected.]

american history should be my favorite class. but not because i blog in it. [dont tell on me]

2008-10-28T08:37:00.000-06:00

yesterday i decided, very suddenly, that i am growing up too fast.
too many responsibilities.
too much work, school, money problems.
being hassled about dating, messy rooms, and lack of healthy habits.
im only 20.
i dont want to have to pay bills, or buy vegetables.
so what i would like is to go back to being 18.
where i just wasted my life away wishing i was the nice age of 20.
where i took for granted my large money savings, parents covering rent, and the ease of freshman year classes at BYUI.
overall, i think i just need to appriciate being young.
before i am married and have kids [not that i plan that happening soon, for sure]
and have myself in over my head with work and school and more bills then i can ever imagine.

thank you friend for reminding me of my minute responsibilites in comparison to his.
thank you mom for being so nice.
and as much as i always seem overly stressed out and/ or irritated,
i appriciate many things about my life and im working on noticing the positive.

p.s. dogs love me. and i dont know how to react to them mostly.

tuesdays are the most eventful day of my week.

2008-10-21T17:28:00.000-06:00

thank you kid who pushed the crosswalk sign out from the road.
thank you caitlyn for buying me a ticket to see ted leo/ against me.
thank you teacher for not completely hating me when i laughed out loud while talking to my favorite uncle online during class.
thank you trees for turning yellow.
thank you brian for giving me a cookie.
thank you kenton for letting me steal your earrings, and your bass, in which i am in love with learning.
thank you man who invented wireless internet.
a less sincere thank you to the wind for blowing in my face.
thank you to myself for signing up for a 3 hour night class.

sometimes i confuse even myself

2008-10-19T23:14:00.000-06:00

hey! what is better than blogs on a sunday night.
since i usually blog on mondays. but tomorrow will be so busy,
and im feeling full of words right now.
so today is an evaluation of, things. ok me putting things into words so they possibly make more sense to me.... however the fact that my blog is somewhat public now im more cautious with my words, or maybe just emberassed to say the things i truely desire to express. [then i express this look on my face that i have no way to express in words.]
right now im having family guy be my background noise.
it is horrible and is giving me a headache, but i cant stand to be alone in complete quiet.
i can have quiet when i am not alone, however.
i normally hate adult cartoons, but recently ive gained a.... ok, not appreciation,
but, understanding, a sense of their humor? lol, i laugh now.
maybe cuz im more of an adult.
today josh, one of my pseudo-roommates, told me he thought i was older than i was.
it made me happy, probably because im always wishing my life away.
all i wanted was to be 20 years old, and now i want to be 21. and 22. maybe then i will be content. i am so sick of people judging me for my age.
im way too self conscious about that.
i really enjoy intelligent conversation.
i wish i had more of it in my life, its so... refreshing, for lack of a better word.
you know there are those words you love to avoid using, and that is one of them.
but back to thoughts, i really have this overwhelming desire to have more regular meaningful conversations. and so it goes.
[did you notice the end where i was having fun with colors and such? ya, it was fun. lol]

p.s. if i call you at midnight and tell you i cant sleep and am really creeped out because i heard weird noises or something, it's probably nice to not be rude, and tell me i am acting like i am a child because thats what you were like when you were 6. :]

<3, luv, love

2008-10-13T11:43:00.001-06:00

today is love day.
im going to find all the things i love.
hooorahh!!
there are 43 of them. because its going to start to get long and boring.
and it seemed like a good number.
this is just for my own realization of good things.
i may add another list. it makes me feel so good.
or maybe my next list will be just written down on paper. either way.....
1. the smell of rain
2. having food in my cupboards
3. the knowledge of a family who loves me
4. having some amazing best friends
5. driving around at night with no destination
6. eating junk food for dinner
7. the feeling i get when i know that everything will be alright
8. when i say things not on purpose that are song lines
9. seeing old friends
10. the beach
11. going on trips, with good conversations
12. intelligent conversations.
13. awkward people.
14. free food
15. fairs!!
16. christmas time
17. lots of blankets,
18. mexican apple soda
19. making lists
20. tiny kittens
21. sweaters
22. being funny. and laughing
23. going on walks around the neighborhood
24. reading a good book
25. youtube. go make fun of me now.
26. sci fi channel movies during halloween
27. watching tv on dvd
28. peppermint gum
29. finding out you have more money than you thought you did
30. neosporin
31. church [why did it take me so long to add that one....]
32. riddles. for real. im excellent at them, most of the time.
33. having a car to drive
34. the color yellow
35. noticing differences in people.
36. when i can focus on things
37. bottled water [its true, its just fancy, and in a bottle, and tastes cleaner]
38. getting texts when im in class and bored out of my mind
39. dancing.
40. singing along to the radio
41. being sneaky [but not in a creepy way]
41. cinnamon pinecones
42. naked trees
43. my job, reallly. i love those kids.

yesterday all my troubles seemed so.... something....

2008-10-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

So im so in a blog mood right now, or at least i thought i was, so we will see if it lasts.
mostly because i was contemplating because my friend matt asked me what i was passionate about. so with that in mind.....
i am one that is either very passionate- positive or negative.
i know that i hate green beans
i know that i love sweaters.
those are very simple things. i know them.
all of my emotions are very extreme, as many people know.
so with this in mind....
i love the feeling of getting something accomplished.
but i hate doing homework.
i love knowing where things are.
i am very unorganized, and then stubborn to go with that.
i love my friends to death.
i hate a lot of people.
which is HORRIBLE, because i dont really like to admit that,
for one- hate is a very strong word [thank you plain white tees]
but i really really really dont like you?
i am passionate about always doing the right thing.
i think that involves just making sure i have a clear conscience.
which is contradictory to myself because im sure i cant have one while not liking people,
and maybe i should try not to be so asocial or awkward.
mmm... im passionate about awkward people. they make my world complete.
im not very good at keeping my thoughts in order.
im passionate about helping others.
now dont be decieved. im a brat. im selfesh. i want a lot of attention.
but if i know someone needs something, or if they are sad, you cant get me to leave them alone.
tbh [which is to be honest. i have to add an acronym in my blog] they wish they werent sad so i would go away.
im passionate about daily use of acronyms, and words of the days.
i dont know if these are the sincere passions i should be looking for, but as a slow-maturing 20 year old, i think its a mediocre beginning.

ewqohreirhegioh im creative

2008-09-25T13:03:00.000-06:00

i totally forgot about my blog.
actually i have not forgotten, i just forgot my password, but then i remembered.
whenever i tryto make my password different and 'easy to remember'.... its not what i expect.

home [sweet?] home

2008-05-15T12:33:00.000-06:00

I am now officially living at home. And not really likeing it. in fact, im in such a rush to move out. oh, and get a job. because currently my job is subbing once a week and and being broke. but i do love this sub job if i could do it everyday. i would continue this blog. however i am too tired to think.

impossible is the opposite of possible

2008-04-02T22:24:00.000-06:00

hello. im christene.
and i like stuff. mostly good stuff. i dont like crap, you know.
but we'll get back to that.
I chew an excess amount of gum. it might just be a way of getting out my inability to sit still.
Let me point out to you that i am very much absent minded and scatterbrained. and unable to keep track of anything. Im also very good at breaking electronics. hence me using my roommate's computer.... I have a soft spot for kittens. I am scared of dogs. I have a desire to be a columnist when i grow up. if that ever happens. im going to get a degree possibly in political science, where i will try to become a know it all in current events. yeahhhh man. While i do that i will try to not be the oddest person on the planet. Because i am odd, and people tend to notice. Which i dont know really if thats a bad thing, or something i should just be proud of. most of the time im quite comfortable with myself though. I am a horrible student and can never focus. cant you tell? im writing a blog about myself. there is a purpose to it though, i for some reason felt that it was something i should do at the time.

anyway, ill continue this later. like a cliffhanger for my blog. i need to be productive now.
my life is not so extremely exciting anyway.

2008-03-24T23:21:00.001-06:00

it is days like this that make me think the most.
enter.
enter.
I really had a day of frustration, laziness, and an irritable nose.
with a nose of a 'pregnant woman'
and the motivation of one too,
today's productivity did not get me far.
im proud to report I went to work today,
and worked on my college applications.
and....
slept.
ate?
got dressed.
actually, i actually did my hair and makeup today, a task I do not often complete on a normal day. so, look at me. im productive today. and so happy to say so.
as for smells, a lingering scent of body odor and something else foul is following me.
the B.O. could be me, very well so.
that i do not mind.
the other smell, however, is more harsh to my nose.
and im not entirely sure what to do about it.
If i wasnt so lazy/had the desire to have wet hair for the second time today,
i would shower.
[that is not going to happen]
today i got one dollar in a bet that i would not run down the auditorium and back.
some people have yet to get to know me.
im using my roommates computer, because mine hates me.
and is broken.
goodnight, and 3 weeks till i can get out of rexburg.
what else?
im learning chinese.
but we will save that for later.

2008-03-13T19:49:00.000-06:00

this is for kayle. hahhhhha

i must be sure from the very start

2008-03-13T19:26:00.000-06:00

I hate how lazy i feel right now. Its truely gross, because i honestly have so much to do. . that is my opening thought. ok, now on to something new. I have a problem with buying random songs on itunes that I will probably never listen to again. It snowed today again, its march 13, and its snowing. that is sick, probably. Like 5 inches. Where did the sun go? Did it take an extended vavation? Did the gopher not see its shadow or something? remember when you would watch the groundhog on feb 2nd and it was so enthralling? i did/ i think. My sister is currently playing me, over the phone, a little asian girl singing hey jude. hah. which leads me into so many new thoughts. oh beatles. Oh sister. American Idol? Work? my co-worker scott who is halerious, he loves american idol, and on tuesday they all sang beatles songs. see, there is organization to my thoughts usually. except now, when I probably make no sense even to myself. less than a month left of school. If anyone even came close to knowing a part of how excited i am. sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited.. really. ok thats enough ranbling for today, untill my nesxt pointless attempt at blogging....

happy daylight savings

2008-03-09T22:22:00.000-06:00

If I had half the headache I had right now I would be more in the mood to blog. neverthelesssss, i have an urge to write down at this moment the blah blah blahs running through my head.

1. I am no eloquent blogger. Its almost like, if you are going to have a blog you have to be eloqent. like this extremely nice flow of words that sound like you are so poetic or something.

2. Im so sick of school its sick. wow, my word choiceis beyond amazing right now.

3. Did i mention im sick of school? I hate it here in rexburg, please get me out of here. i my computer, who hates me, is really hating me right now.

4. ok, so im really not that into writing a new blog right now as i thought i would be when i opened up my blog. ohhh weelllllll.

many thoughts may run through my head at one time.

2008-02-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

thought 1.
oh how i love blogs.
i keep my blog relatively on the down low.
so i can express my feelings without hurting peoples feelings.
sometimes i wanna swear. alot.
but it still doesnt seem right to....
my roommates LOVEEEEE to argue.
they ALLLLWAYYSSS have to have the last word, be right.
ive been so so good at letting them say whatever they want and shrugging it off, but im running looowwwww on patience. patience haas never been something ive ran high on. ive been trying sooooooo hard. ugh.

thought 2.
i really really wish i didnt care so much about material things.
i wish i could love everyone.
not care so much about clothes, and things like that, like judging people based on their interests.
i think ive been doing alot better.

thought 3.
im ready for my life to hit a new stage. for reaaaaaaaallllll

thought 4.
i wishhhhh that my thoughts could be written out sometimes, my best idea/thought flow comes when im laying down in bed and have no desire to get up and write/type what im thinking.

ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaaaaa

2008-02-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

hello.
this note all began because of a fill out. a fillout i had every intention of completeing, hah, but instead my mind wandered and i had to do this instead.
so in this fillout it said, name 4 people that made you laugh today. So i recall the days events. alison made me laugh, work kids made me laugh- mostly scott, who we decided it would be funny to yell out his name for 3 hours so he would walk over to us and then we would tell him something rediculous. oooh im so funny..... [uh.....] anywayyy, the majority of my laugh attacks today were from 7:30 to 9:30 pm, where i attended the vienna boys choir. oh how i love fa 100.... so there was this couple awkwardly sitting, and they were funny. then the guy cought me laughing at him, which made me laugh insanely, in the middle of a song, and i could not stop. thennnn we moved spots, and sat by quite the charecter. thats all i can say, there are no words to describe. ok, let me restate that. there is no way to describe the awkwardness found at byui. and i probably contribute to it.
and then theres my life. sometimes i laugh because, like im sure a large amount of people do, think, and realize, um....i live in rexburg. and i go to college in the middle of nowhere.
oh, but the things that happen, and the unique type of entertainment i get out of it.
will i miss it here? uh.....
im sure i can fine people like that everywhere, but im really not sure.
ohhhhh rexburg, oh idaho, oh byu [i]
also, dont overcook 20 year old plastic plates so they melt and explode.they willl stiiiiink, like fish.
i need more cheerios.
happy valentines day.

when full of unknown feelings i most definatly have the most to say.

2008-01-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

today is definatly an appropriate day to blog.
some days are just filled with emotion.
an emotional breakdown did occur today.
i feel a lot better now.
todays events include a new job, school, and dramaaaaaa.
sometimes i wonder about people.
have you ever wondered what someone else was thinking?
i do, alot. not that im wondering what they think about me, more like...
i wonder what other people think about. hah, i wonder if people's heads race like mine does.
i love that im learning meditation.
meditation has taught me, with the little that i have done, to relax.
although i have been very stressed out these past weeks, i have also been developing skills to be able to calm myself.
ive been learning alot about myself lately.
i think right now i really need that. i want to know who i am.
other than self discovery, i really desire to know what to do next in my life.
whether to go home, move somewhere else, or possibly, to stay here.....
which is not my first thought or most delightful thought.
im not really sure what else im thinking.
i feel older than i really am.
but at the same time i wish i had more maturity in some areas.
thats where i end this, i think, with my head still spinning in circles, but my heart is calmer and even though im full of confusion, at the end of this day im way more relaxed than i would have ever expected i would be 2 hours ago.

heres to two thousand and, uh, great?

2008-01-02T00:24:00.000-07:00

if i had to explain my break, id give you these nine songs.
*sea of love- cat power
[one of the prettiest songs ive ever heard]
*i wish i was the moon tonight- neko case
[please, you would too if you heard this song]
*under the blacklight- rilo kiley
[my choice if jenny lewis for the break]
*lake michigan- rogue wave
[rogue wave=real good.]
*16 military wives- the decemberists
[i like it. i also watched the music video over break and fell in love]
*lack of color- death cab
[i amit, watching the OC recently made me like this song again. remember when seth wrote a chrismakuh song to lack of color? it made you wanna go listen to it for real.]
*monarch- feist
[i fall in love or re-fall in love with a new feist song like every month]
*anyone else but you- michael cera and ellen page
[i fell in love with michael cera, and the film juno]
*gold lion- yeah yeah yeahs
[made my airplane ride more tolerable]

i dont see what anyone can see in anyone else

2007-12-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

christmas break, woooo!
quite possible the highlight of my week has been seeing Juno and watching almost all 3 seasons of arrested development, michael cera has me smitten. ok, i have somewhat of a life, ok.
but before i stray from that idea, im going to promote the soundtrack to Juno, cuz its pretty good. i have not bought it..... hah, but i itunes sample it, and listen to it via myspace, cuz im a big nerd like that. ok on to the next thing,
which is the fact that i miss california, the 60 degree winters, the beach, balboa island, disneyland, the malls there, etc. i do not miss "home," just my dear california, who, yes, i had a bitter feeling toward for a while, but now i, suprisingly, long to visit. what a long sentence. it was just all one thought.
i noticed today that i often swallow my gum without noticing.
im still horrible at mario cart.

and everybody knows it

2007-11-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

im so excited that is is thanksgiving break!
it has already been quite the out of school experience.
i have pretty much decided that i am going to not be going to school in the winter.
im pretty excited about that, i think.
right now i wish these government quizes would just be done with.
mmm i saw stardust this weekend. i likedd it.
i got some awesome cds from the library.
ah i love the library.
ok, this was a boring blog. im no expert blogger.
peaceeeee.
maybe next time ill provide an amazing blog, ha.

spanish apartment names

2007-11-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

well ive become an expert slacker. or procrastinator. you know, like when you are supposed to be taking that huge biology test and instead you are writing a blog or something even more important. funny thing is that ive come to terms with the fact that im addicted to facebook, i very much dont like my apartment, and my computer is a possesed electronic. it really is. For example, the USB fell out. yes, fell out. i have now had 3 battery plugs break in half. It truely is possesed. do not argue with me. So now i have to steal my roommates computer, and download music onto my other roommates computer for my ipod. i am so lucky, but i have been doing this for a little while now, im getting used to it. well thats all, im pretty sure that im ready to go home for thanksgiving.

just let me say something that is not important

2007-11-08T11:41:00.000-07:00

it is really frustrating when you are trying to be a good student but your teacher forgets to post your quizes and then youve made multiple trips to the library for nothing.
it is really funny when you get called the wrong name while walking to class.

its hard to figure out.....

2007-11-07T23:20:00.000-07:00

wow, maybe this time the blog will work.
right now im listening to some fruit bats, sitting next to my roommate,
mmmmm.....
thats all for an introduction of new blog that i hope wont hate me.
<3